When you go into battle, you must understand your mission. You must be highly focused and have a battle plan. Your objectives should be clear, your contingency plan well-ordered. Hard conversations are a little like battles. They ought to have clearly defined objectives. Yet the goal is different. It must not be to score a victory. If you are going into the conversation to “win,” you’ve already lost. Understanding, reconciliation, and love are the most valuable goals. Pummeling the other party almost always jettisons godly objectives. When you engage in a difficult discussion, your assignment is to be a blessing—even when the other person has wronged you. "Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. (1 Pet. 3:8-9) Blessing those who revile us goes against our nature. Yet—as hard as it may be—Christ’s command to “bless those who curse you” is life-giving (Luke 6:28). God has given the “word of life” (Phil. 2:16), and we are to proclaim that word as a well of life-giving water: “The mouth of the righteous is a well of life” (Prov. 10:11). Our speech should taste good—it should be appetizing, not bland—and it should always be adorned with grace: “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one” (Col. 4:6). If we are wise, our words will promote healing and nourishment: “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health” (Prov. 12:18). Rather than spew angry words, use your speech to build up, impart grace, and be full of kindness and tenderheartedness. Paul directs: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. (Eph. 4:29) This selection is taken from my book, "When Talking Gets Tough," which you can buy at cf.life/products.